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That phrase is another way of beginning to challenge the negative beliefs behind the anxiety.
The advertising copy for the popular book, Dating for Dummies by Joy Brown is, "Whether you're young and haven't dated much or older and have been out of circulation so long you've forgotten how to flirt, dating can be intimidating."Youthful Inexperience or adult lack of recent practice, however, are not the central issues with dating anxiety.
The core concerns are about the answers to the questions "Are they going to be good for me? " Both worries rear not only their ugly heads, but their ugly trunks and legs.
An example is a mother who buys new school clothes for the child while complaining that getting the clothes for the child means there is not enough money for the mother to buy anything new for herself.
For every person the past experiences and the meanings made of those experiences are unique.
His self-talk was something like "She's going to resent doing something for me and later be critical of me." For him, recognizing his anxiety at receiving was actually progress, because previously he had just avoided generous and loving women.
He had been attracted to narcissistic women who "made everything all about them."Another woman, as she learned that her date seemed to be a great match for her became convinced that there must be something wrong with the picture.
Done thoroughly, "but I really don't know" can pull the rug out from under our most cherished limiting beliefs. And, since virtually every train of thought has some implicit belief, when we question our thoughts, we question these beliefs.
This is similar to the lessons in the Course In Miracles "My thoughts don't mean anything" and "I have given the meaning to everything I see".
Are you filling that space of the with worry, doubt, and fear? Another simple but profound way to practice quieting your anxiety is to add "but I really I don't know" to every prediction of the future.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating