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After a certain age, however, many of the other workers are already married.
Having a particular interest makes someone interesting to someone who shares that interest. I carry around a list of about twenty dating sites which I can offer to patients who express an interest.
Although there are well-known drawbacks to dating this way, I think, on balance, it is a good way of meeting a great number of people.
They tend to forget those other matters that led to their divorce—until they remarry. Usually, dating relationships spring up in three different settings: first, by meeting other people in the same community.
Of course, other divorces lead to a deathless and unvarying enmity. But there are never very many potential partners living in the same neighborhood. In New York City, it is not uncommon to be strangers with people who have lived down the hall for the last twenty years.
These women (I could just as easily have chosen three men) illustrate the two principal reasons an individual cannot find an appropriate partner. A woman thinks that she will now be subject to the whims and demands of a husband.
The men say something similar: “I don’t want to have to answer to someone all the time.
” “The only men who come on to me are at work, and they are all married.” It turned out Mary Ellen never did anything or went anywhere—except to work. When she returned to work a few weeks later—and to her customary life—she stopped coming to see me. She had no trouble dating, but seemed to sour on men for no particular reason. Finally, she said to me: “You know, there are some disadvantages to getting married. Then I’m going to have to go home and cook dinner for someone else.
When I suggested the usual ways of finding someone to date, she demurred. I’m going to have to do his laundry and have sex when he wants to have sex.
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